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I have been seeing a married man for 4 years, i am married too. It has been very intense and we have tried to break it off but continue again. Last week, he said the intimacy had to stop, just be friends. Says he cant handle not being friends. I have backed off, in the hope he will change his mind. I have blocked him on IM, but have noticed he goes on to see if i am on, although he doesnt know i am on. He said he has stopped it because it has become unbearable for him to see my husband touch me, and he thinks he will be less jealous this way..on my part, I am more jealous. Are men different? Should I play the sad rejected person, or the happy getting on with it person?

You should "play" the married person or you should get a divorce and let your husband find another woman who he can build a real life with. Why are you doing this? Why did you commit to a man only to decieve him? Why are you married if you have no respect for marriage? What you and this other married man have been doing for four years now is horrible! You are on the wrong web site for the advice you are seeking but hopefully your husband will find us and apply our revenge techniques to you. You really need to strengthen your character and become a better person and that's the only advice you will get here!

I have been with this man for 4 yrs and we live together. We have an 8 month old baby. He started working a night job about 2 1/2 months ago and started talking to this girl. To make a long story short he started seeing this girl and I found out and he said he does not feel me anymore. He said he is starting to fall in love with this girl. He said I pushed him away after the baby was born and he tried to be close to me. When I look back...yes, I did push him away and I don't know why! He never told me I was acting like that. He said he just gave up. He said this girl paid him attention and made him feel special.

He does not want to work things out with me. I asked him to give us a chance and to cut the other girl off. He said yes he would but I found out he never stopped talking to her and he's even still seeing her. I dont know what to do because I love him so much and I know things could be good if only he lets this feeling he has for this girl go. Just yesterday he said he was going to call her and let her know he took things too far with her. Then he told me not to push him, that he will try and make things work between us. What should I do? How can I trust he made that call? He has said this before.

First thing first, he has done an excellent job manipulating you to make you believe you are the guilty party, the one at fault. Believe me you had nothing to do with creating this situation! His feelings for you didn't change until well after he was already having this affair. You did not push him to have an affair. You did not push him away at all! He has twisted your ability to see this situation for what it is. The part I found hardest to read was: "this girl paid him attention and made him feel special". WTF? Didn't you just a few short months ago give birth to his child? Why then does he think he deserves special attention and pampering?

When you discovered the affair his reaction was to point his finger at you so he didn't have to admit guilt or take any blame. This might not be the advice you wanted or even advice on what to do next, but until you see what's really going on you won't be able to make a decision that can effect anything.

I was dating my fiance for 3 years, we broke up because I left her for another girl. She chased me for about 2 months and finally we got back together with wedding plans in the future. I got cold feet 3 weeks ago and broke up with her again. Now I finally realize that I made the biggest mistake in the world and I want her back. But, she wants nothing to do with me. She sends my calls to voice mail and she won't respond to my texts. Finally when she does call me she tells me she wants nothing to do with me because I'm selfish and this relationship is a joke and I have played with her feelings too many times! I have sent flowers for the last 8 days to her house and job and still nothing. What should I do to win her back and show her I truly love her?

Do you see how the roles have finally reversed here? Do you know what she has been thinking and feeling this whole time with you? She has been wondering what it will take for you to see how much she truly loved you. She showed you love even during the time you abandoned her for another woman. Your cold feet was the last bit of proof she needed to realize there wasn't a thing she could do to make you love her as she loved you. Good job genius! Have you heard the term "You don't know what you've got until its gone."? There doesn't seem to be much hope here for you. But, if you are serious about her now the only thing you can do is continue to show it. Don't get creepy and don't develop stalker habits though! You're treading a fine line here Mr. Brilliance so give her space when she wants it but remind her every so often that you are still there and still love her.

Can a long-distance relationship last for 7 years? What is the absolute maximum number of years that a long-distance relationship can last for? PLEASE HELP!

Sure, it is possible that a relationship can last for seven years, but why would you want it to? I suspect only those with an intense fear of real intimacy could carry on in such a relationship so long. If this is the case, you can most likely trace the root of the problem to an event that had an impact on your life when you were young. You should really consider seeking the advice of a licensed therapist. You are missing a part of the richness life has to offer. Add this element of meaning to your life and don't be afraid of things out of your control!

Me and my boyfriend were dating and living together for a year and a half. A week an a half ago he broke up with me crying and saying that he just didn't know what he wanted. These feelings he had has been going on for about 3 months now , he started hanging out with this guy that he worked with and this single friend always made fun of him and told him he was missing all this stuff by not going out tto the clubs and bars and such. When we broke up obviously I was heart broken and I still am I loved him soo much. I have completley stopped calling him from the moment we broke up and I have ignored his phone calls and acted as happy as possible to anyone that might tell him how im doing. In the past week since weve broken up though, it took him a couple of days but he has called me twice. Both times he called my cellphone and when I didn't answer he hung up and called my work. I feel like he is making up excuses to call me because both times he could have left that information on my voicemail when I didn't pick up my cellphone, but instead he called my work. He made the comment to me on the phone the other day " I dont want to not talk to you". What does all this mean?? Does he miss me?? Am I doing the right thing by playing that im doing great and that im not mad at him and by not talking to him???

You've done everything we suggest to do for winning back an ex and it sounds like its working! You are right about him making excuses just to call you, that's exactly what he's doing and exactly what you want him to do. That means he's thinking of you and its starting to get to him. You've done great! Now its time to warm up to him a little so that he misses the love he had from you. When he calls again be more receptive and interested about positive things he has going on in his life. Don't over do it, just talk to him with a little more encouragement. Continue this and start becoming easier to talk to and warmer with what you say with each call. Do not be the one who starts talking about getting back together, it has to be his idea. If he brings it up tell him that you love him dearly and you would be hurt knowing that he is missing out on whatever is out there by being with you. <- That's called a guilt trip! Hopefully this will make him backtrack on all the reasons he said he left before and at the same time make him feel stupid for leaving you in the first place!

My boyfriend and I went out for 2 years before things went sour. He started texting over girls and then broke up with me only to sleep with someone that night. We got back together but that was short-lived and he broke up with me again the next weekend. He was my best friend and my boyfriend and I was in love with all his family. I never thought he would hurt me like this and now he has already got a new girl on the go who is really pretty. His friends who became my close friends don't talk to me anymore even though they have admitted they think he has/is being an asshole. I feel so alone, so hurt and I have cut all contact off from him because it was just killing me. Is there really light at the end of the tunnel? Should i just ignore him and get on with life? Why do people change?

Unfortunately by the way your ex is acting I don't think you are on his mind right now. It really is a shame that he has destroyed the friendship you guys had along with putting a division between you and the friends you made through him. You are not going to feel like meeting new people and making new friends if you are constantly thinking of him. Although its hard to change your state of mind, especially when you're feeling so depressed, you are going to have to try if you want to be happier. You just have to force yourself to go out more, try joining a local group that you share an interest with or join one with an interest that's totally new to you (try this site to see what groups are in your area), you can also try taking a fun class or getting in touch with friends that you haven't seen in ages. As far as why people change, we just do, and there are millions of reasons for it. We all change with life, sometimes its for the better and comes from understanding more of the world, sometimes its for the worse and comes from being selfish, and sometimes we're forced into change by a painful experiances.

I was having sex with a guy who i just found out had a wife and two kids. He says he cares about me and would leave her for me but he's still sleeping with her. I dont want him to leave his two kids or his wife for me. How do I tell him I dont want to do this anymore?

He is playing out this situation with you for as long as he can get away with it. This man not only doesn't care about his family but he also doesn't care about you. He is selfish to such a degree that he's willing to lie, sneak, decieve and trample upon the hearts of others just to satisfy himself. If he ever had real feelings for you he would not have thrown you into the position of being "the other woman" without telling you what you were about to get involved with. He's NOT going to leave his wife but he WILL continue to say it for as long as it will keep you around. This wasn't your fault though, he took advantage of your innocence. So how do you tell him you don't want to do this anymore? Just say "I don't want to do this anymore". Tell him you never intended to be with a married man and it wasn't fair of him to trick you into it. If he bothers you just tell him that if he doesn't stop you will be forced to tell his wife. Remember that he never told you anything about what you were getting into so you really don't owe him an explanation of why you are getting out.

I had a great girl for 8 months, got real close and deeply in love, then for some reason i cheated on her.Now im desperate for her back, i know she still loves me alot but the problem is shes real stubborn !!! What should i do ???

If you really care about this girl then stay away from her until you grow up. Truly caring about someone means you have their best interest at heart. Leave her alone until you know what you want out of life and know without a doubt that you are ready to commit to her. You should also be more honest with yourself and the people you bring into your life. Don't agree to commit to a relationship until you know that you can AND WILL be trustworthy in doing so.

Why is love so difficult?

Because by nature humans are selfish.

My ex broke up with me after 8 years because he said he was in love with another woman. He was with this other woman for a month and then she went back to her ex. Now she wants him back and so do I. He says he is in love with both of us and don't know what to do. What do I do to get him back?

The problem is that taking him back now will give him the thought that no matter what he does or how he treats you, you will always accept him back into your life. Even though that may be the case the best thing you can do is make a clear statement to him that what he did to you is not acceptable. Do this by cutting off all contact with him. Don't give him any warnings. Don't tell him what you are doing. Don't explain it to him. Don't answer his calls or your door to him. This will make him crazy thinking about what you're up to and why. Then after awhile answer a call from him.Tell him that you think your life can be happier without him and you just needed to experiance that for awhile. If he says he wants you back tell him that it was easy having no contact with him and if he ever walks out on you again there will never be a second chance.

I have a boyfriend and I love him but there is this other boy who likes me and tells me he loves me and I'm always turning him on by kissing him in the mouth. What should i do?

Ummm, I'm not sure but maybe you could try and not put your freakin tounge in other boy's mouths! I could be wrong though...yeah right!

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